We All Need Help Sometimes

I know this looks like a long one, but trust me, it’s worth it.

Recently, someone very close to me has been going through a lot.

He has gone through more in his 21 years than most people do in their whole lives. All the stuff that has happened to him started to build up inside him. But he didn’t tell anyone that something was wrong. He just let it continue to build up until one night when he exploded. He drank a lot of alcohol (keep in mind that he is 21), and decided to drive. He was speeding down the highway while intoxicated. When I found out about it I called the police and they found him. (There are several details that I left out for his privacy.)

He was lucky enough to live through this. He is now getting help and therapy to learn how to deal with things from his past emotionally and mentally. But even he will say that the events that night could have been avoided by doing two things: talking about what’s bothering him and leaning on other people.

His independent spirit has never wanted to “burden” other people with his problems. That’s how he puts it at least. But after this huge reality check, he has learned that there is nothing wrong with leaning on other people in hard times.

I’m telling you this story because I want you to learn from it. I hope that it doesn’t take something this drastic for you to learn that it’s okay to lean on other people. Whether it’s family, friends, a therapist, or all of those people, there is nothing wrong with accepting help. No matter what your story or problem is, NO ONE can carry it by themselves for forever- no matter how good they are at pretending.

There are several reasons why people don’t want to bring up something that’s bothering them to other people. It could be something embarrassing, or maybe you think you’ll be judged for it. Sometimes you just don’t know who you can trust. Or perhaps you think you can deal with it on your own, even though you really know that it’s weighing you down. I think all of us have experienced one of these. I know I have.

But whatever it is you need to talk about, none of those reasons should keep you from letting it out.

If it’s something embarrassing or you think you’ll be judged for it: talk to a family member, good friend, or trusted adult about it. They can help you without the stress of wondering if they’ll think differently of you.

If you don’t know who to trust to talk to: talk to a school counselor. They are trained to help you, and they love doing it. There are also free phone numbers you can call and websites you can go to. A few are listed at the bottom of this blog. The best part is, it’s all completely confidential. Even when you talk to a school counselor. Whatever you say stays just between you and them.

If you think you can handle it on your own: stop for a second and ask yourself, “Can I REALLY do this on my own?” You know (whether you admit aloud it or not) if something is too big for you to handle. If you realize that something is weighing you down, talk about it with someone. They can help you with situations that can’t be solved by one person.

Also, if you see someone you know that is holding something in, try to get them talk about it. You don’t have to be pushy or annoying about it. Some people really do just need a little time before they talk about it. Instead, just assure them that you are there for them when they do want to talk. If it’s something that they can’t talk to you about, encourage them to talk to somebody they can trust. They will thank you in the end.

Not only is my friend learning to lean on other people, but so am I. At first I didn’t think I needed help either. I thought I could just be strong for him on my own. But after awhile all the emotional stress started weighing down on me and I knew I had to talk to somebody. Although I had already talked to my mom and my grandma (my grandma is kind of my personal therapist), I needed to talk to someone outside the situation. So, I went to see a therapist at the college I go to.

I also didn’t want to tell my friend that I needed to talk to people about what was going on, but he could see how it was affecting me. Once I told him that I was going to the counselor, he was actually relieved.

He had already felt the affects of trying to do it alone, and didn’t want me to feel the same thing. He still knows that I am there for him and that I’m trying to be strong for him, but he knows that I’m human too and that I also need to lean on other people so that he can lean on me.

If you look closely, the whole world is full of people leaning on other people- and that’s okay.

Here are some helpful websites to go to if  you need to talk to someone:

http://suicidehotlines.com/

http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/AskIt/Pages/default.aspx?gclid=CPiwktG6uKgCFQQbKgodaTv3CA

http://www.myshrink.com/online-crisis-counseling.php

http://www.stressgroup.com/home.html

http://www.teencentral.net/?gclid=CI_g0fi6uKgCFcq8KgodAm_HCg

http://us.reachout.com/wecanhelpus/

http://www.troubledteen.us/free-teen-help.php

http://teenlineonline.org/teens/

http://www.psychresources.net/