Teen Advice: What to Do When You Feel Like You Have No Friends

We love hearing real questions you’re dealing with.  When girls email questions they have to info@girlswithdreams.com our teen panel answers with support.  Recently, we received a question about how to make friends.  Here’s what we had to say.

The Question About Friends:
Okay, I’m 16 years old and I’m a junior in high school (i’ve attended the same school my entire life.) At my high school, there are about 1,500 students. And it seems as though everyone has a friend and a clique they belong to. But for me, that has never been the case. Ever since my freshmen year, I have felt so lonely and as though I have absolutely no friends.
At lunch, I sit with just a group of people who I don’t even know that well (they literally will not talk.) I try to conversate with them but day after day, it’s no reply. Sorry, I guess I need to get to the point but, I have just never had that group friends to talk to, to vent to, to hang out with, or to just to eat lunch with. And now that it’s my last two years of school, I want to make the best of it. Our school has been in session for almost three weeks now, and I feel as isolated as ever. I just want to have that group of friends. Even my parents have told me that I’m not “social” enough, but it’s like they just don’t understand. I have always felt like I don’t fit in, and all I want is to fit in. I just want someone to eat lunch with, hang out with… I don’t know what to do, I just need to vent to someone, so that’s why I messaged ya’ll. So please, help me!

Answer #1:  For some people, fitting in is difficult. In all of middle school, I could NOT find a group of friends to hang out with. I had “friends” at school, but they always made plans when I was there and never invited me. I was so left out. I would call 20 people in one night, to see if someone wanted to hang out, but generally no one could. I felt like a such a loser. But then, I joined field hockey and lacrosse and suddenly, I was hanging out with people who were like me: cared about grades, same interests, same humor, just a lot of similarities. It made me feel like I belonged.

My point is, try joining a club, or sport, or some activity at your school. And if theres nothing that appeals to you, start a club! If you don’t want to do that, look at your church or temple or religious place of prayer and see if there’s a youth group you can join. My bestest friends in the entire WORLD are in my youth group at temple and almost my entire social life is with people in my youth group. I would highly recommend joining a youth group if possible.

Finally, get involved. Go up to people and introduce yourself. Or, even, just find another person who’s sittng by themselves, or someone who doesnt appear to be fitting in, and talk to them. Chances are, there’s at LEAST one person at your school who feels the same way.

Answer #2:  I know high school is hard and there are so many things you have to take in when you are there and it nice to have friends to help you along the way. I was a lot like you in middle school where I didn’t have many people to go to, but in high school I started getting involved which helped me a lot. Try different groups to get involved in, even if you don’t think it’s right for you. I took journalism and never thought I would like writing and then I was on yearbook and it was probably the best thing I ever did. And just because you go to some meetings doesn’t mean you have to commit to the group. Try getting in some big groups like Student Council and then some small groups like Debate or something. You never know the people you may meet. The more you put yourself out there, the better. And maybe school isn’t the place for you to have all your friends. Maybe it’s something in your community you can get involved with. Just don’t be afraid to try something new.