Friends and Arguments

Recently, I went through a really tough time with one of my friends.  Maybe you can relate?  Just so you know, I’ve changed all of the names in my recap.

Basically, my friend Kelsi sent me a message saying I was annoying as well as some other hurtful comments and she didn’t want to be my friend anymore.  I was completely shocked and totally devastated.

So, I called up one of my best friends, Jane, to tell her about it. I read her the message, sobbing the entire time. She was in shock. She told me she couldn’t stand to see me this torn up and upset. Jane said she was going to ask Kelsi what she was thinking when she said that horrible thing to me.

I didn’t believe that Kelsi didn’t think we had ever been friends! I knew she had been my friend for the last three years. Someone who was faking to be your friend doesn’t invite you to spend the night at her house on a school night and beg her mom to let you stay. A fake friend doesn’t hang out with you all day at Six Flags then ask if she can spend the night at your house over the weekend because she had that much fun with you.

I decided to talk to my parents and I realized this: Kelsi wasn’t a true friend. And, crying wouldn’t do anything to change that. I wasn’t going to change my entire self to win her back. I realized if this was Kelsi’s true self, then I didn’t want any thing to do with her. The best way to deal with something like this is to just move on. Sure, crying will help a little bit, but just moving on and having nothing to do with that person is the best way to handle this. I hope this doesn’t ever happen to you but if it does, you have the head start I needed to get move on with your life and not dwell on on someone like Kelsi.

Living, Loving, Learning

So as I’m walking through the hallways at my school, I see teens making out and hanging all over one another. I guess you could say I feel “left out” because it’s been forever and a day since I’ve had a decent boyfriend. But when I got to thinking about it, I realized there was a lesson to be learned there! It’s not about quantity it’s about quality! As corny as that sounds, it pretty much sums it up!

But along with that, I am a firm believer that everyone comes into your life for a reason, either for you to learn something from them, or to teach them something. You guys have probally heard that line from me before, but it holds true to most situations! So yes: learn the most you can, Live life with no regrets, and love as if it were your last day. Having no regrets is a true blessing. Of course all of us have secrets we’d rather the world not know about, but you know it’s not life or death. And at the end of the day you can only go on living. So my final word of advice for this blog would be to not sweat the small stuff! Because in the end does it really matter? Things are NEVER set in stone. Write your own Destiny! Live, Love, and most importantly Learn.

Cotton Candy Friends

These articles are by Vanessa Van Petten who runs RadicalParenting.com a parenting blog written from the kid’s perspective with 80 teen writers. Their goal is to give teens a voice.

“I am having a quarter-life crisis.

And it reminds me of cotton candy…how wonderful at a summer carnival, big pink fluffs of sugary goodness.  Until two hours later, then your teeth hurt a little and you are hungry for real food.

I am (maybe unfortunately) a Facebook Kid.  I was one of the first on Facebook, as Emory was in the second round of entries after the Ivy League Schools.  It was so exciting (still is often times) I could ‘friend’ the hot guy from poli sci, ‘poke’ the hot guy from the party this weekend and spy on my boyfriend’s exes pics.

Now that I am out of college, I am able to remember (and by remember I mean I get a reminder each morning) all of my friends’ birthdays, contact semi-friends in San Fran when I go for the weekend and keep up on the fact that my peeps in New York just went to an Aerosmith concert.

Great, so how does this serve me other than keeping up on pretty superficial (albeit sometimes interesting friendships)?  In the last week I have gotten calls from numerous college friends who are depressed because they have no ‘real friends.’

The teen (and 20 something) social interaction right now is like cotton candy, its fun and tasty for a little while, but after two hours you are hungry for real food, real connection.

My teen intern wrote a fabulous article on how Facebook is changing the definition of friendship and this is my follow-up article on this important issue.

1)    Possessive– “When you get cotton candy, you want it all to yourself…or you better get your share”
I have noticed that my friends and I are getting increasingly catty and possessive.

To read the rest of Vanessa’s article, please visit Cotton Candy Friends

Define FRENEMY

Last night, I went to the Nickelback concert with my boyfriend for his birthday. We see an old friend out of the blue. My boyfriend’s old crush [from our falling out this summer] was walking with another girl. Let me be the first to admit that I am absolutely a jealous person. Both girls are beautiful, intelligent, and stylish. I said hello to both girls. It might have been an accident that they didn’t notice me.

It just hit me how much girls betray each other. The word FRENEMY comes to my mind, meaning an enemy who disguises as a friend. Why do girls feel intimidated by one another? How come we act like we’re friends but talk behind each others’ backs? There’s a purpose in life, and it’s to embrace every moment.

From now on, I will try to be truthful to my girl friends and my guy friends. It’s okay to trust each other and mean what we say. It’s okay for someone to be better than you. We are all different forms of perfection. Who are we without each other anyway?

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

This morning I woke up late, making my ride to school wait an extra ten minutes. Once I got to school, I realized I forgot my lunch. Good thing I had a couple bucks on me. After I got my lunch and walked to the room I usually eat in, it was locked. After school, I was helping a friend make a video for her cheerleading squad, and NOTHING on the computer was working. On top of that, my ride home showed up early and sat there waiting for me to get done. I eventually just had to leave even though all the video stuff wasn’t fixed. When I got home, my mom called and said she was working late, so I had to clean the kitchen and make dinner.

But I was still in a good mood.

Why? Because I try not to sweat the small stuff.

If you worry about every little thing that goes wrong, you’ll be pulling your hair out all day and nothing will get accomplished. My dad is one of the most pessimistic people I’ve ever met. He thinks the world is ending when one tiny thing goes wrong. So when something serious goes wrong, he just can’t cope with it.

This is something I’ve learned over time. Think about it. Simply getting mad and frustrated at something isn’t going to solve it. And what’s worse, you’re in a horrible mood afterward! Don’t get me wrong, I still have my moments, but I try to keep them at a minimum. It’s actually an effort I have to make.

If a few bad things happen, don’t waste your energy getting mad. I’m not saying to ignore your feelings, though. By all means, solve your problem in the best way you can. But if you’re thinking with a clear mind, it will go a lot smoother and faster, and you can walk away from the situation with a smile. That way when something big really DOES happen, you’ll be better equiped to handle it.

Best Friends For LIfe (BFFL)

Every girl needs a best friend. Someone you aren’t judged by, a personal confidant who may know you better than you know yourself. A best friend is someone that you can trust will your deepest fears, secrets, and just everyday worries. It is important to always surround yourself with people who make you feel confident in who you are, and with your dreams, but a best friend is a step up. They will support you in what you want to do, and will be there until the end. They aren’t negative, jealous, or discouraging, ever.

My best friend and I are actually going to be celebrating our Ten Year “anniversary” soon. It’s become a tradition to celebrate our “anniversary” of friendship. It helps us to remember why we still put up with one another. Just kidding, she’s been an amazing friend to me and has been there for so long, I can’t remember not having her around. Katherine has been the absolute best friend any one could wish for. She’s always willing to listen when I’m upset, and supports me in every dream I want to accomplish. As a positive role model in my life, I have learnt so much from her. She has taught me life lessons one can only learn from sharing priceless memories with a special friend. Over the years I’ve come to realize some things about friendship. So here’s a list of some key characteristics of a true friend:

1. It doesn’t matter what your doing, you’re having fun.

2. The odds that your pal would spread nasty rumors is never in a million.

3. They’ve got your back and you’ve got their’s, even if the odds aren’t stacked in your favor.

4. You respect this person, their beliefs, their values, and support their decisions, unless of course, they are destructive.

5. You can enjoy their company and don’t feel the need to be out doing and talking constantly (I find this to be important in all relationships)

A best friend is a lasting asset. It’s a relationship that you will always remember fondly and will always be able to take some meaning from. Every person comes across your path for a reason, whether t is to teach you something or for you to teach them. With your Best Pal it should be a continuous learning, and teaching experience. Learn from your friend, and be someone’s listening ear!

Can You Really Be You?

If you’ve ever seen the show “10 Things I Hate About You” you know that Bianca is obsessed with trying to become popular. You know that Kat, her sister, could care less about what other people think of her. If we could all choose who we want to be like, we’d probably choose Kat, because she’s fine with the way she is, and doesn’t care what other people think. However, I think most people would truthfully identify themselves with Bianca, even though they don’t want to admit it.

But why? Why do we care what other’s think of us? Do we really need their approval? If we’re comfortable with ourselves the way we are, isn’t that all that matters? Yet, we still find ourselves buying those short skirts that always give us a wedgie, or that shirt you got lots of compliments on, but was too low-cut for your taste.

That’s why, I’ve just decided to stop trying. I made this decision subconsciously  in March, but consciously, I made it this summer. I’m just going to get what I like, like that tutu I got from Hot Topic.  And, I’m just going to wear what I like, like that zebra tie I wore on the first day of school. People can laugh and point all they want, but I won’t let it bother me. They don’t have to like my style. My style is who I am and I’m not going to wear something I don’t want.Now, I’m not saying I don’t have those freak out moments where I panic if someone doesn’t like my huge polka dot bow I wore, or my bright neon green skinny jeans, but since I’ve stopped caring what others thought of me, those moments have happened less and less. 

You’re probably saying “That’s great for you, but I could never pull that off. That’s just not my style.” Well, who’s deciding what your style is? Maybe you don’t want to wear that stuff that’s just out there, like I do, but maybe instead of wearing those 4 inch high heels that you’re always tripping in, wear your sneakers. Or instead of wearing those jeans that you think your thighs look HUGE in, wear sweatpants. As long as you’re comfortable in what you’re wearing, don’t pay attention to what others say. As cliche as that sounds, it’s true. Don’t let others define you as the preppy girl or the punk girl or the girl who always wears low cut shirts and mini skirts. Become YOU. You’d be surprised at how much more confident you’re feel.

Louder Than Words Online Show Part 4

If you haven’t heard of the new teen memoir series, Lounder Than Words, edited by Deborah Reber, you are missing out! In their own words, teens share their raw life experiences and how they’ve dealt with some of life’s toughest challenges.

You won’t want to miss tonight’s live video chat with Deborah Reber and Chelsey Shannon, who used writing as a way to recover from experiencing the unthinkable when her father was murdered the week before her 14th birthday. Here are the details for tonight’s call.

Thursday, August 13, 8-9 p.m. ET – Chelsey Shannon, author of “Chelsey”, Assembling a New Life with Pieces from the Past

Chelsey Shannon talks about fashioning a new life for herself after her father was murdered a week before her 14th birthday and she had to move away from home and school. She’ll talk about overcoming grief, and how she discovered a group of women writers who helped her overcome.

We are excited to be able to bring you this live series here at Girls With Dreams!

Louder Than Words Video Chat

Louder Than Words Online Show Part 3

If you haven’t heard of the new teen memoir series, Lounder Than Words, edited by Deborah Reber, you are missing out! In their own words, teens share their raw life experiences and how they’ve dealt with some of life’s toughest challenges.

This week, every night at 7 pm Central time you can watch a live video chat with Deborah Reber and the teen authors of this new series. Here are the details for tonight’s call with Emily.

Wednesday, August 12, 7-8 p.m. CST – Emily Smucker, author of “Emily” – Sickness and Faith, Pickles and Cake
Emily Smucker will answer questions about what it’s like getting through senior year with a chronic illness. Emily is a Mennonite but, don’t worry, it’s not contagious. She’ll also talk about blogging and writing books. We are excited to be able to bring you this live series here at Girls With Dreams!

Louder Than Words Video Chat

Louder Than Words Online Show Part 2

If you haven’t heard of the new teen memoir series, Lounder Than Words, edited by Deborah Reber, you are missing out!  In their own words, teens share their raw life experiences and how they’ve dealt with some of life’s toughest challenges. 

This week, every night at 7 pm Central you can watch a live video chat with Deborah Reber and the teen authors of this new series.   Here are the details for tonight’s call.

Tuesday, August 11, 7-8 p.m. CST – Marni Bates, author of “Marni”, Compulsive Behavior and How the Internet Can Help
Marni Bates answers questions about her book, “Marni.” Marni has trichotillomania — a irresistible desire to pull out her own hair. What do you have? Marni discusses how the Internet helped her understand the problem, and also how she feels about having her secrets revealed in a book.  We are excited to be able to bring you this live series here at Girls With Dreams!

Louder Than Words Video Chat

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