Friendship

I have been thinking about friendship today. This week, 11 years ago, I was hanging out in Wisconsin with some of my closest friends getting ready to get married. It was a great time to be surrounded by so many of the people I loved. I’m grateful because all five women who stood next to me on my wedding day are still a part of my life.

Do I wish that I could see them more often and spend more time with them? Yes! Could I be a better friend to them at times? Yes.

I’m sharing this because friends are such an important part of our lives. I’m so grateful for the friends who have known me for 20 years and those I’ve just met recently. I’ve learned to be picky about real friends. My friends bring out the best in me and I hope that I help to bring out the best in them. My friends love me for who I am, whether I’m having a great day or not. My friends make me laugh and bring a smile to my face. My friends make the world a better place. I know that during your teen years it’s very typical to have ups and downs with friends. How do you choose your closest friends? What do your friends mean to you?

Summer Drinking

I was at a lake this weekend with my family enjoying the sun, water and beauty. My boys loved fishing for the first time (thank goodness my husband can help them because I really wasn’t into baiting their hooks with worms). I also enjoyed one of my favorite things, water skiing. One night my husband Steve and I were sitting on the porch looking out onto the lake as it was getting dark. Read more

Girl Violence

The other day I was flipping through People Magazine, and I came across an article that really caught my attention. High School teen Tori Lindsay was brutally attacked by her friends and fellow cheerleaders while two boys kept a lookout . They said they wanted to teach Tori a lesson for things she had written on her Myspace page. The whole incident was also recorded because the group wanted to humiliate her by posting the incident on Myspace and YouTube. The video of Tori was released to the media by the sheriff’s office, and the 3 minute video quickly became a phenomenon. Now 8 teens (6 girls and 2 boys) all face adult charges in her beating.

There are 3,560,000 hits for “girl fight” on Google, and 69,000 hits on YouTube. Why is girl violence so widespread? I myself was once a victim of girl violence, a girl who I thought was my friend swung at me and punched me in the face when she thought something was my fault. What is the attraction of girl violence? Do girls feel more dominant or powerful? Is it a status thing? I’m interested to know what you think. Furthermore, what do you think about songs that glamorize it, like Girl Fight by Brooke Valentine featuring rap artist Lil Jon?

Party Girls

This weekend I saw a really interesting news report about teen girls and underage drinking. I wanted to share a few of the things I learned and see if you all agree. It was on www.todayshow.com and they talked to Kylee Darcy, 18, who won a contest for creating a public service announcement on this topic. You can see her video at www.alot2lose.com . They also spoke with an expert from the Center on Addiction.

Here are a few points they brought up:

• 25% of teens consume alcohol by the age of 13.
• Girls are 7 times more likely to give into peer pressure.
• When they drink, 1 in 4 girls engage in binge drinking (which means 5 or more drinks in one sitting).
• Boys and girls drink for different reasons. Girls drink to enhance their mood, feel sexier, reduce stress and to keep up with the image that party girls have more fun.
• The media has done a great job of promoting the ‘bad girl’ as the cool one, the sexy one, and the one girls look up to.
• It’s easy to think of the obvious effects of drinking, such as drunk driving or death, but teens often forget the social consequences. See an example of this in Kylee’s video.

Since I’m not a teen right now, I’d love to hear what you’re seeing. Do you agree with what they said? Is this what you see happening at your middle and high school?

Did You Know it’s V-Day?

About 10 years ago, an amazing movement began in order to end violence against women and children all over the world. It’s called the V-Day Movement which is being celebrated in New Orleans today and tomorrow. http://v10.vday.org/homepage

The media has recently featured many stories of women involved in acts of violence. There was footage of an attack against a teacher and a bunch of cheerleaders who ganged up on one girl, to name a few. These acts serve as important reminders of how violence continues to run rampant in our society. Read more

Cat Fights on YouTube

Have you heard about this? I turned on the TV today and saw the latest in sick teen videos. Basically, a group of cheerleaders decided to film their way to fame by physically attacking and beating up another girl for 30 minutes. At one point she was even knocked unconscious. What the heck is going on?

I know that we have continued to become desensitized to violence in media and our culture, but when is it going to stop? What is it going to take for it to stop? What is sad to me is that bullying and violence like this happen every day in our schools, backyards, and communities. What is even more disturbing is that now we are planning and posting these things to video internet sites.

As young girls, when are we going to stop hurting one another with our words and fists? When are we going to figure out that we have more power when we work together rather than try to bring each other down?

I would love to know your thoughts about this topic. How much violence do you see among girls, verbally or physically? What is it going to take to stop this? What can we do here at Girls With Dreams?

Reach Out.

Every one of us has problems. If you think you’re alone or the only one dealing with a specific problem, keep reading. There’s always someone who wants to listen. No matter what you’re dealing with, you are not alone. There are other girls and women who have been through the exact same thing, and we are all here to help.

In The Powder Box Secrets girls just like you talk about some of our toughest issues. If you can’t find help for what you need here, check out the book or let us know what you’re looking for at info@girlswithdreams.com. Whether you’re concerned about yourself or one of your friends, there is always someone who wants to listen and help. Read our tips on getting help, no matter what tough stuff you’re dealing with!

If I think I need help, where do I start?

1. Talk to an adult you trust.
2. See what resources your school has to offer. Talk to someone at school like a teacher, counselor, or social worker.
3. Help can also start with a doctor or a counselor. Your parents can find out what your insurance company will accept. Even if they won’t, there are many places that have a sliding fee scale. Sometimes doctors may recommend medical treatment.
4. Remember that you are not alone.

How Do I find a professional?

1. Have your parents check with their insurance company for resources and limitations.
2. Seek recommendations from friends, family, your physician, or school personnel.
3. Call the professionals and make an appointment. You can always cancel.
4. Use the Internet and your school to locate further resources.

What’s the difference between a psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker, and counselor?
Psychiatrists
Generally prescribes any medication to treat mental illnesses. Most psychiatrists don’t do counseling. If you’re taking medication, it’s important to find a psychiatrist that specializes in adolescent health.

Psychologists, Social Workers, and Counselors These individuals do not prescribe medications. They should have a Masters Degree and a license in their respective fields. There are many forms of counseling and therapy, so don’t be afraid to ask them for their particular approach, style, or format. Don’t be afraid to keep trying to find someone until you feel comfortable.

Here are a few questions you or your parents might want to ask.
Are you licensed?
What kind of training did you receive?
What is your specialty or expertise?
What is your approach to therapy and medication?
What are your fees and what insurance do you accept?

Break the Ice by Being Nice

Our teenage years are full of great changes, including changes in friendships. Sometimes we need to make new friends and it might feel impossible, but it’s not.

Start by giving someone a sincere compliment. It’s a great way to start a conversation and might lead to a new friendship.

Get involved in a new activity. As scary as this sounds, it’s a great way to expand your social cirlce and meet new people. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you’re not as good at something as others might be. People love to help, and this can be another great way to get to know people.

Here’s one final tip that appeared in “The Powder Box Secrets”:
“Making friends was always very difficult for me, especially girlfriends. I never got the ‘secret signals’ they gave each other and was excluded a lot. Now I’ve learned a little about how to do it successfully. First, I think the best strategy to get people to like you is to make them laugh and to help them out in little ways instead of just telling them about your endless problems. In turn, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much people will come to care about you and support you in your time of need.”
-Katie, 17

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