Tips for Teens in a Bad Relationship

If you or a friend is dealing with a violent or unhealthy relationship, you are not alone. A bad relationship can happen to anyone. For starters, I’m glad you’re open to getting help. Just by getting this far, you’ve taken a big step. Most importantly, I want you to know you are valuable, worthy, and beautiful.

A few of my friends want to share some tips of their own. Watch this video to see what they have to say. Then, read the other info we have at Girls With Dreams about dating violence.

Dating Violence: Teens Share what They See

Have you ever been a victim of dating violence? How about one of your friends? Unfortunately, many teens have experienced dating violence in one way or another. If it hasn’t touched them personally, many people know someone who has dealt with it. Check out what teens have seen when it comes to dating violence.

If you or a friend is in a violent relationship, be sure to read these important tips.

Self-Esteem and Confidence in Teen Girls

Why are self-esteem and confidence such big problems for teen girls? More importantly, how can we all work together to build each other up? I know I struggled with confidence as a teen, and I still have challenges with it. I think if you talk to most women, on some level, having a positive self-image can be challenging at times. I want to change this! Don’t you? Here’s a few tips to get you started. Also, be sure to watch other teens sharing their tips in this confidence builders video.

Start with the positives. What areas allow you to excel? What makes you feel confident?

Make a pact with your friends (or your Girls With Dreams Friend Circle). Agree to remind each other when you’re talking in a negative way about yourself. Promise to help lift each other up instead.

Write a positive message about yourself and stick it on your mirror. It might say, “I’m beautiful” or “I’m a great softball player” or “I’m a great volunteer.”

Reach out. Ask people you admire how they developed their self-esteem and confidence.

Drunk Driving and Teens

Talk to most teens and they will tell you they know someone who has driven drunk orimpacted by drunk driving in some way.  I’m going to be blunt.  There’s no excuse for it. Whether a teen or a grown up, when you’re getting behind the wheel of a vehicle, you are not only responsible for the lives of everyone in your car but also the other drivers on the road.  Hear other teens share their experiences with drunk driving on one of our latest videos. Teens and Drunk Driving

5 Venting Tips for Teens

We all get angry. We get pouty and frustrated. Most of the time we blame what we’re mad about on others when we know it’s our fault, or is that just me? Although I get moody at times, I know that people around me have bad moods also. Here are a few basic ideas to help you vent until you can think through the situation:

Rip
Write everything that’s bothering you on a sheet of paper. Tear it into pieces or crumple it up and toss it.

Run
Use your anger for something productive. Run or walk for two miles, by yourself or with a friend.

Talk
Sometimes the best thing to do is to talk to someone. Instead of turning to your best friend (who’s probably already heard the story of your boyfriend breaking up with you plenty of times), talk to the girl who sits next to you in Math class. We usually get the best advice from people we don’t know. Just remember to share more about yourself than the problem you’re currently dealing with so your positive energy shines through as well.

Clean
Clean your room or bathroom. You could even ask your parents if they need help cleaning the kitchen. Cleaning helps to blow off steam and makes people optimistic because of what they’ve accomplished.

Plan
Instead of worrying about your soccer team’s loss, plan a fun weekend to look forward to. Make plans for friends to come over and watch movies or embark on a mission to visit every ice cream joint in your town.

Honestly, the best thing to do when you’re angry is to keep your thoughts straight. Control yourself long enough so you don’t become part of someone else’s problem.

Are You Safe on MySpace?

As soon as I get home, I check my MySpace account. Even college students use Facebook as an escape from their classes. There are countless websites to “expand your network” and to keep in touch with old friends. However you should always remember a few key tips to protect yourself:

1. Put your account on “private” so you can accept or decline friend invitations. Those who aren’t your “friends” won’t be able to read all of your information.

2. Never put your address or private information on your account.

3. People are not always who they seem. A “19 year-old female” might be a “59 year-old male.”

4. Employers often use Facebook and MySpace to scope out potential employees. They want to make sure that their employees seem professional in and outside of the work-place.

5. Keep tabs on your pictures. Make sure that there aren’t any inappropriate pictures of you or your friends floating around. You wouldn’t want your boss or grandparent to come across them.

Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter are meant to be entertaining ways to meet new people. Be smart and use them to the right extent. It’s best to accept those you know well, and keep in touch with a few people.

Sexting, Flirting, and Teens

Recent headlines about self made kiddie porn and teen online flirting remind us of the rise of “sexting” and other forms of cyber world dangers. The movie American Teen shows how quickly one topless photo can spread from one person to an entire school. I am curious. Has this happened in most high schools? Do most teens know someone who has sent some type of pornographic photo? The bigger question is why is this happening and what are we going to do about it? Some polls suggest boys have put pressure on girls to do it or that girls are trying to seduce or impress a guy. What do you think?  

Whatever you think about this issue, use these tips to stay safe: 

• Think before you click. As soon as you send a photo or message, it no longer belongs to you and anyone can see it. Would it be okay for your parents, principal, or entire school to see what you sent? You can’t take it back once you send it.
• Feeling pressure? If someone is pressuring you to do something you are not comfortable with, you don’t have to give in. Although it might sound impossible at the time, your self-respect and integriy will get you through the toughest of times. This would be a good time to reach out to friends you trust or even find an adult you can talk to.
• Think twice before you forward. If you receive a pornographic pic, think about the person on the other end of that picture. How would you feel if something like this was being sent about you? You might even want to think about the legal implications of your actions. States are changing laws to include online forms of pornography, and you might be charged with a crime by sending material.
• Girls need to stick together. Most importantly, we need to stick together as girls and help each other out. If one of your friends is thinking about compromising her self-respect, talk to her about it and be a good friend. Similarly, if you get a picture of a topless girl, think twice before you send it to your friends. If you decide to send, you are a part of the problem. We all need to help each other learn how to love and respect ourselves. I’m not saying it’s easy, but I know we can do it!

 

Dedication or Motivation?

The average school day is seven hours. I spend about ten hours in school on a daily basis. I basically train myself to manage the eight different clubs I’m in. However, DECA has been my top priority. Yesterday, I was faced with another obstacle. I felt so confident when my school’s group of DECA students went to compete in our business events.

I came out of my tests and interviews feeling as if I aced them but my name wasn’t called when awards came. I hadn’t placed in the top six out of 30. I am getting over the fact that I worked extremely hard. I have to accept that life brings its ups and downs. People will test you and you will fail in some situations, especially a few that you try the hardest at. My dedication for DECA won’t be abandoned. I am more motivated now to do well next year, because It’s my last chance.

A good friend told me, “It’s a club, it doesn’t determine your life.” I will keep strong and know that failing is a push to do better.

The Key to Everything is Self-Esteem.

Self-esteem, self confidence, self respect…

Girls With Dreams talked about all of these ideas this weekend at a Girl Talk event. As I prepared and shared tips on boosting self-esteem, it was a reminder and affirmation to me of how critical this issue is.

Without positive self-esteem, it’s hard to get very far. It’s one of the most important things we need to pay attention to. When we don’t have good self-esteem, it sets us up for more problems and challenges. I’m not trying to sound depressing here, but if we’re all trying to “Dream Big” and live out our best lives, we’re not going to be able to get very far if we haven’t started working on our self-esteem.

If you have low self-esteem, you might put yourself down a lot, feel you aren’t pretty or believe no one likes you. You might lack confidence in your abilities to do well in school or play on sports teams. Even worse, you might seek approval outside of yourself. Sometimes, it’s easier to get wrapped up in dangerous or unhealthy relationships. Other girls have looked to drugs or alcohol for comfort and security.

If you have high self-esteem, you can stand up to your friends when you have a different opinion, you compliment others, you see your own beauty, you stand up tall, you believe in yourself, and you have confidence in your success as well as the successes of others.

Visit our site regularly for more tips and ideas on how to improve your self-esteem in all areas! Let’s get started with each other. Girls are WAY TOO MEAN to each other. This has to stop! There is enough good to go around. When one girl succeeds, we all succeed. Whether she’s in the classroom, on the soccer field, or on the dance floor. We need to be better about building each other up and cheering each other on, and stop trying to tear each other down. Imagine how far girls could go in this world if all of us made a conscious effort to stop being so mean! If we all work to help each other get farther, we all get farther!

I think we need to start a movement around this idea of building each other up, getting rid of the Mean Girl Mentality that has lingered too long. What should we call it? E-mail your ideas to info@girlswithdreams.com

In my next post you can take a quiz to see how well you’re doing!

Problems with Friends in Cyberworld

Hey Everyone!

It always seems like I disappear for months, then find my way back! When I started college, I told myself I would have more time to blog and I’d be more committed to this project, but I just keep getting busier! I can’t help it! I have so much going on at school it’s absolutely insane! I guess that’s a good thing though, right?

Being involved is so incredibly important. I’ve met so many people, and I’m learning so much about planning and business, and best of all… myself. I had one experience in particular that helped me learn and fully understand the motive for qualities such as trust and honesty. It’s funny because it was an entire semester experience that was completely HORRIBLE. Looking back, I can almost say with my whole heart that I’m happy it happened because it taught me so much.

At the beginning of the year, as a new friend and I were in that bonding stage, the two of us and another girl became friends and always ate together and ran errands with each other. Everything was great, but I just had this terrible feeling that something wasn’t quite right. Not thinking much of it, I vocalized how I felt to one of them and everything spun completely out of control.

Things took a turn for the worst and our friendship turned upside down when they thought I was starting to instigate something and purposefully start a fight!

The next thing I know, they are avoiding me and claiming that I was sending them nasty text messages. (I later found out these messages were coming from a free text messaging Web site where my cell phone number was being used to make it LOOK LIKE I sent the messages). I denied sending them, but it just got worse. The things I said were turned around and taken out of context. Everything appeared to be all my fault.

To get everything straightened out, I suggested that the three of us sit down and talk with a mediator to get the story straight. The other girls hesitated, but I insisted it be done. After the talk, things dissipated for about a week. The situation got worse. The messages that appeared to be coming from me were meaner and just plain disgusting. I even changed my phone number to prove that the messages were not coming from me. Well, whoever was behind all the messages kept going because they no longer came from my old number, but from a Web site once again. I even received one somewhere along the way. My friend told me that she never thought it was me and didn’t think I was the type of person who would do anything like that.

That must not have been the way she truly felt. She was actually so convinced it was me that she and her boyfriend searched my laptop to see if I was ever on that site. They went to the site and sent her a threatening message from my computer. They also searched my e-mail and social networking profile. They took photos of what they had done to show her mother. Her mother called me and told me they went on my computer, took photos, and was going to call the police since I “threatened her daughters life.”

So much happened between that night and the end of this mess. I eventually filed reports and talked with department heads to get the problem solved. I don’t know what will end up happening to these people. I experienced severe harassment and invasion of privacy which are violations of the school code of conduct.

Here are the points I hope you can take away from my experience:

1. Honesty will always come out on top. There was one thing that was consistent throughout this horrible experience: I told the truth every single time. No matter what situation you’re in, being truthful to yourself, your peers, and your superiors will bring you a sense of calm. Knowing that I didn’t need to defend myself calmed all the fears I had. The truth doesn’t need defending. Be honest with yourself, with your friends, and everyone you encounter. Listen to what your heart tells you. Trust me, it’s hard to ignore. The sooner you listen to it, the sooner you can move on and live! Do the right thing! I know you can!

2. Be careful when you text, spend time on the Internet, and use your cell phone. Keep track of who you give your phone number to and always look at the bill to make sure it matches up with your activity. Don’t be afraid to ask your parents to have a look at it, either. It helped me uncover a few things along the way. I cannot emphasize enough how careful we all need to be with these forms of communication. Everything you do is tracked by IP addresses, cookies, and Internet history. Your cell phone has an IP address too! Not all of those can be deleted. Luckily, those things came in handy for me.

3. Apply what you learn. I learned through all of this that whatever I say will come back to me. Always. Most likely, it will be in some other form of my original words. If there’s something you don’t want other people to know, don’t say it. If you don’t care for someone, keep it to yourself. You can eliminate a lot of gossip that way. Now, I’m not saying you need to keep your mouth shut all the time, but going around spreading things that you wouldn’t want spread about yourself isn’t right. I’m sure you beautiful women already knew that.

Making a come back from this wasn’t easy, let me tell you, but I knew I had to be strong. I had a ton of people around me who love and care about me, and supported me throughout this entire process. At the end of the day, this whole thing made me a better person! I know that I can handle something like this again if it ever happens again (goodness, I hope not!). Everything you experience in life just prepares you for your next challenge.

Good luck, and keep trusting your intuition!

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