Simplify Valentine’s Day.

I know everyone thinks that Valentine’s Day is this day where everyone has to show someone that they love them and a lot of girls think “It’s just a reminder that I don’t have someone to love” because that is what our society has turned it into. Then, girls with boyfriends think “My boyfriend needs to buy me something nice or it means he doesn’t love me.”

The truth is, Valentine’s Day is just another day. If you are going to celebrate it at all, it should be something fun that’s simple and sweet. Here are a few ideas:

Go to the park for a picnic.

Make dinner for your boyfriend or let him make something for you. If you don’t have a boyfriend, make dinner with a group of friends.

Instead of stressing out about finding the perfect present, put a little twist into your gift-giving. Do something fun like trying to guess each other’s favorite candy.

Make it a fun day just by being together.

If you don’t have a boyfriend, that’s okay too. You can still do something fun with your best friends or something sweet for your mom or dad, or even for your grandma. It might sound cheesy, but they will appreciate it.

Dating Advice: Abusive Relationships

Chris Brown’s recent domestic violence charges remind us dating violence can happen to anyone, even a superstar like Rihanna.

Such relationships are more common than you might think. When I was collecting stories for my forthcoming book Secrets Girls Keep, too many girls shared experiences of emotional or physical abuse in their relationships. In fact, these instances happen to at least one in ten girls. Some experts believe this statistic is on the ris. Even though a recent New York Times article suggests some schools are doing more to address this serious problem, we all need to get involved.

Love is Respect has great ideas on their site. Even though Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week just passed, it’s never too late to do something. It starts with each of us and our friends.

• Know the warning signs of dating violence. Excessive put downs, attempts to isolate someone from friends and family, hitting, and unexplained bruieses or marks are only a few of the many signs.
• Stay close to your friends. A recent study suggests one of the best ways to stay safe is to have a close group of friends. Surround yourself with girls who empower you and bring out the best in you.
• If you know someone who is in an unsafe relationship, talk to her about it and confide in a trusted adult to create a safety plan.
• Bring attention to this at your school. Start a ribbon campaign, have a Battle of the Bands Fundraiser for a local women’s shelter, or do presentations in health classes. If you have more ideas, email them to info@girlswithdreams.com.
• Always remember your worth and value isn’t dependent on a guy. You are amazing now! It’s so easy for us to feel like we must have a boyfriend to feel special, important, or good enough. Don’t buy into this. We have to remind each other of this every day!

Celebrate V-Day Without a Valentine!

I think there is way too much hype surrounding Valentine’s Day. I don’t really remember one Valentine’s Day in high school where I actually had a “valentine” and yet, our media and culture put focus on it so much that it practically makes those who don’t have someone special feel like there must be something wrong with them. Well, if you are one of those girls without a valentine this year, you are not alone! Millions of other girls are in your exact same situation, and it’s okay. Believe me, it’s much better to be single and happy than to be in a relationship with the wrong guy, or just to have a valentine. I know it can be hard, so here are a few tips to get you through this week:

1. Start with you. You have to give yourself the love and attention you deserve and want others to give you. Find a few special things to do such as listening to your favorite music, dancing with friends, treating yourself to a relaxing bath, or watching your favorite movie. Get the idea? Remind yourself you are not a loser because you don’t have a valentine. You are an amazing person! You don’t need a valentine to confirm that for you.

2. It’s all about the love. If Valentine’s Day is really about love, who else in your life do you really appreciate? Your big sis? Your parents? Your best friends? Look for ways to make their day extra special. A simple card letting them know how much you appreciate them will work. You could also plan to spend time together or go out to dinner. Get creative! Making breakfast in bed or washing their car will make their day.

3. Volunteer. Be a giver! When we give, we feel good. Giving is really about spreading the love around in a bigger way. Do you have a favorite place in the community that you like to help out? Reach out and brighten someone else’s day.

4. Don’t be alone! If you’re still in a funk about Valentine’s Day, don’t spend it by yourself. Find a friend to hang out with. If they’re all busy, spend some time with the fam!

We’d love to hear your other Valentine ideas! Email us at info@girlswithdreams.com

Too Much Dating Violence

A recent article in the New York Times, A Rise in Efforts to Spot Abuse in Youth Dating, really grabbed my attention. It confirmed so much of what I’m seeing and hearing from young people. Violence in dating relationships happens way too much! Statistics confirm that at least 1 in 10 girls has been in a violent relationship. However, with cell phones and email, many experts agree that harassment through these channels has increased.

Even though more school districts, parents, and individuals are improving programs and talking about dating violence, we need to do more!

When I recently asked girls for stories for my new book, Secrets Girls Keep, too many confirmed my deepest fears. Too many stories were about how girls had been mistreated in their relationships. Many had tragic results, but not as tragic as Heather Norris who actually lost her life to her boyfriend. Many of the girls I talked to are healing and have learned how to turn a bad situation into something they can learn and grow from.

If you or a friend is in a violent relationship, you are not alone! Please reach out for help at the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline.

We at Girls With Dreams are committed to helping girls learn how to be more courageous and confident and to have healthy self esteem. Watch for our blog post series on knowing the signs of dating violence and more ideas on what you can do about it!

Bad (Boy) Timing

Boys. Have you ever thought you found the right one and then realized you were wrong? I have gone through a number of crushes recently. Just little ones, but still meaningful.

I always seem to have a timing issue! When I like someone, they either don’t like me back, don’t want a relationship, or are dating someone else. Has this ever happened to you? Go figure, right?

What dating advice do you have for finding the right boy at the right time?

Help! We Both Like the Same Guy!

This weekend, one of our Girls With Dreams members asked us for some dating advice. She liked the same guy as her best friend and wanted to know how to handle the situation. This is a common problem! Here are a few tips to help you out if you’re ever faced with the same dilemma:

Your friendship is always the most important. Boys come and go, so think about how your friends have always been there for you.

Think about how you would feel if you were the other person. What are you going to do if this boy asks you out and not your friend? What if you are the friend that doesn’t get asked out?

Keep communication lines open. Talk about how each of you feel and don’t let competition or jealousy get the best of you. Both of you have beauty and grace, so use those attributes when deciding how you’re going work through the situation. Would either of you be okay if one of you was dating this guy and the other wasn’t?

Look for ways to build each other up. Remember that your value isn’t determined by whether or not this guy likes either of you.

We hope that helps! For more dating advice for teens or if you want to make a comment or ask another question, please contact us at info@girlswithdreams.com.

Boys Make Life Difficult…Sometimes.

This is my last year at Texas Tech University and guys have been an issue for me since my junior year of high school. Before this, I never really considered dating officially because I didn’t need a boyfriend. I already had two father figures in my life to protect me, my biological dad and my step-father. In the beginning of junior year, my dad got locked up for a year which lead to my need to start dating. My mother also left my step-dad, giving me another reason to date.

In my opinion, you can’t truly start dating someone unless you guys can actually go somewhere alone in your own car. I’ve been dating since junior year and my dad knew he would have to watch over me a little more when he got out of jail. I have learned to deal with them disliking some of the guys I like, but when is it actually fair for me to say, “they’ve gone to far”? Parents will always think their children can have someone “better than that”, but this time “that” is the guy I think I’m in love with.

This dilemma is spilling over into the rest of my life. I know it would be easy just to drop these two guys I like, but I really enjoy being with both of them. I’ve been seeing “guy number one” off and on for about two-and-a-half years. The only reason it’s been “off” and “on” is because my parents don’t like him. The characteristics I look for in a guy include a good personality, a sense of humor, gorgeous eyes, and good hygiene. But above all, the first thing I judge a guy by is his shoes.

Bottom line: I need a second opinion to help me sort this out. Guy number one is nice, makes me laugh, is good company, gives me attention when I want it and will do anything I ask of him, but my parents don’t like him because he’s a different person when he drinks.

I met guy number two a couple of years ago, about the same time I met guy number one. He was doing some bad stuff and I didn’t like that, but I knew he was a good person deep down inside. I let him go and do his thing and knew I would see him again if it was meant to be. I worked as a server at a restaurant and saw him eating lunch with his parents. We said hi and I knew I still had a crush on him. We traded numbers before he left the place even though I was still with guy number one. I didn’t keep in touch with him, though, because I moved to St. Louis. For the fall 2008 semester, I moved back to Texas to finish my last year at Texas Tech University. I came back because most of my credits would not transfer to an out-of-state school, setting me back another two years! So, I decided to see what my crush was up to. I didn’t have his number anymore, but I found out from some friends that he was in prison.

His fault, but I knew he might need someone to talk to so I wrote him. We’ve been writing back-and-forth for about three months now.

Who do you think my parents would let me date? I know if it were up to them, it would be neither.

HELP! I’m stuck between these two guys that have fallen “in love” with me and I like them equally.

Dating Advice: My Friends Tease Me for Not Dating.

This week, I was talking to some girls who are in middle school and my stomach began to turn as I heard another crazy story about dating. Yes, things like this happen every day all across America, but it doesn’t make it right! This middle school student was upset because all of her friends were teasing her for not having a boyfriend.

First of all, where is the friendship? Aren’t our friends supposed to like us unconditionally? Just because we start dating at different times doesn’t mean we can’t be friends! And what about this pressure to be with a boy? Where is that coming from? Why have her friends bought into this concept of “I need to have a boyfriend to be somebody” so much? Take a minute to think about the relentless messages about sexuality and dating thrown at young people. So, what can you do if you get into a dating dilemma like this one?

Stay true to yourself. Get quiet and listen to your heart and gut. What is it telling you to do? It might be hard, but staying true to yourself will help to set yourself up for the best scenario. This girl told me she felt like a coward. On the contrary, I told her that taking a stand was courageous, far more courageous than buying into the status quo.

Talk to an adult you trust. Let them know about the situation you are in. Ask them for ideas and input.

Be open to finding new friends. Friends change. Take a look at how you feel around your friends. Are they respecting you? Can you respect them? If you do change friends, the transition can be difficult but you’ll be better off in the end.

Write us at info@girlswithdreams.com and tell us about your dating dilemmas! We want to help.

Homecoming Tips

I couldn’t believe it when I heard that some schools have Homecoming this weekend. Already? I guess we’re halfway through September, though. I was just holding onto summer a little too much. It seems like girls and guys always feel pressure to have the right date for Homecoming. Does this sound familiar?

What if you don’t have a date?

Don’t stress! Use these tips and remember lots of girls and guys don’t have dates, you aren’t alone. Read more

Boys in the Army

This summer, my boyfriend left for Fort Leonard Wood, an army base in Missouri about three hours away from me. Although the experience has been quite different for me, it has also been very rewarding in many ways.  Read more

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