Independent Women

I just heard Kesha’s new single “Your Love is My Drug” and I think girls are stronger than this song makes us out to be. Why do we sit and feel sorry for ourselves after things don’t work out with a guy? It’s a cycle that never seems to end. Almost every girl’s facebook status is about a stupid boy. I’m sick of it because I know we’re better than this.

The only way to persevere is to be confident. Be independent and live for yourself. Don’t rely on a guy to make you happy. You’ve got to love yourself first if you’re going to love someone else.

Dating and Twilight: Is it Realistic for Girls?

Many of our Girls With Dreams team members are big fans of the Twilight Series. Some girls understand the difference between reality and fantasy and watch or read the Twilight Series for enjoyment. Other girls have a more difficult time sorting out how dating a Cullen compares to dating in the real world.

Recently, one of you sent a question to info@girlswithdreams.com about how the characters in Twilight are influencing your expectations. Here was part of the question:

“I’m in 8th grade and I’m fourteen. If you’ve ever seen Twilight Saga movies or watched Vampire Diaries, you will understand what I’m about to tell you. I want a boy to love me like the boys in those movies and shows and books. I had this idea about how my life would be and now I find out a boy like that doesn’t exist. Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong here on earth. I feel like I belong in a romance movie or novel.”

In response to her question, we sent her back lots of advice from other teens. We also talked more about dating and Twilight in this Girls With Dreams interview. In addition to this, here was one of the responses:

“I love all those books and shows, too. At your age, I watched movies such as a Walk to Remember and want that for myself. Honestly, life just isn’t like that and you will realize that as you get older. Especially at your age, guys don’t know how to love girls. I am 18 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. Our lives are far from perfect. You will find a guy who cares about you and loves you. Just give it time. And when you get that guy, don’t hold him up to expectations like Edward Cullen or Stefen. Those are unrealistic and your guy will be unique in his own way. Life isn’t about finding that guy. You’ll find him one day. Just be happy with how your life is now. Hang out with your friends or join a club you’re interested in. Don’t be shy; be outgoing and have FUN!”

Dating Advice on Break Ups & Changing Others

After a bad break-up, I have noticed that couples get upset at each other over everything. Most of their fights can be prevented if they accept who the other person is. I believe that too much time is spent picking out the flaws in someone, and you over-look who they truly are.

If you can’t accept someone for who they are, then you should not change them. Everyone has their perfections and imperfections. It’s a habit to pick out faults: someone picking their friends over their girlfriend, working too much, not calling enough. Most people try to change someone’s habits.  Instead think about breaking the habit of trying to change someone.

You’ll be happier in your next relationship and so will the person you’re with!

Teens and Dating Violence: Secrets Girls Keep Contributor Shares Advice

 Recent headlines of Rihanna’s own struggle with dating violence has given more girls courage to speak up.  We know one in three teen girls will face some form of violence in her dating relationship. One of the teen contributors to the book Secrets Girls Keep by Carrie Silver-Stock shares advice for other teen girls about dating and dating violence.

You can watch her talk about dating violence in this video.

Other stories from teen contributors to Secrets Girls Keep can be found on the Girls With Dreams YouTube Channel as well as the Secrets Girls Keep Fan Site.

Dating Advice Tips from New Moon

The movie New Moon just recently came out, on Friday November 20. I’m sure most of you have seen it or read the book already. If you have, then you know that when Edward leaves Bella, it hurts Bella horribly. She becomes depressed and unsocial. She’s obviously upset…..I mean if the guy you loved all of a sudden left you, wouldn’t you be upset?

But what’s a healthy level of upset? What Bella went through was very unhealthy. She pushed people away, when she should have pulled them in to help support her, and help her get over Edward. It takes her almost 1/3 of a year to finally get back her life…and even then, she’s not totally happy. She’s still delusional about Edward.

Now, I;m not saying that if you break up with a guy, you’re not allowed to cry over him. Of course you should. But don’t dwell on it. Think of a break up as an opportunity to go out and meet new guys. It’s unhealthy to act like Bella did, and it didn’t just affect her, either. Her parents, and her friends were affected, and I’m sure they were hurt.

The bottom line is, if a guy you’re crazy about breaks up, don’t go into an unhealthy depression like Bella did. It’s bad and you’ll end up losing a lot of other things as well.

Dating Advice for Teens: Don’t Let Guys Change You

We have so many pressures to be perfect from everything around us. The two biggest ones? Media and boys. Why do girls dress inappropriately? To impress guys. They feel that if they don’t wear revealing clothing and act a certain way, then guys will never like them. Well I have news for you. If a guy only wants you because of what you look like, DITCH HIM!

I see it every day. Two people start going out, but they only like each other for looks, and not for who they are. That can never last. I’m not saying you should be looking for a husband right now, but that shouldn’t stop you from having a boyfriend who appreciates you as a human being. Ideally, a guy should like the fact that you DON’T dress or act in a “slutty” way, because that means he knows you’re not trying to get the attention of every other guy on the planet while you’re with him.

Guys don’t only effect how girls dress, though. This goes back to the blog about enforcing your boundaries (you should read that!). If he’s urging you to do something you’re not comfortable with, DON’T DO IT. Remember when you were little and you had to practice how to say “no” to strangers? Well the same thing applies here. Don’t do anything you’re not ready for. Don’t be afraid to say no!

I have other news for you too. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! I know you hear it from your parents all the time,  but believe it or not, you ARE! I’m not just talking about how you look. You have to be truly confident  inside and out that you are a beautiful and strong young woman who is ready  to take on the world(even if you’re only ready to take on 5th hour). Other people, guys included, will see you glowing with confidence and admire you for that.

Think about some people at school. Who do  you think more of? The girl who only worries that her hair and make up is perfect, with skin tight clothes and the designer bags, and always seems to be frowning? Or the girl who can walk into school with sweatpants and a tshirt on, hair thrown up in a ponytail and a smile on her face, ready for the day? Just think about that for a minute. Now, which one would you rather be?

When you’re done reading this, I want you to do me a favor. It will only take you a minute. Walk to you’re nearest mirror. Stare at yourself for a minute, and tell yourself that you are beautiful, confident, collected, and that you only deserve the best of the best. Because it’s all true!

Do this every once in awhile. I know it sounds weird, but it helps. I do it all the time when I’m getting down on myself!

So remember this:

• Be Confident!
• Be Yourself!
• Don’t settle for a guy who only likes what you look like!
• KNOW that you are BEAUTIIFUL and you deserve the best that life has to offer!

Saving Yourself Is Worth It

Ever since I was younger I have told myself I would wait to have sex until I was married. And even now as an 18-year-old, I still stand behind my word. In the ninth grade,one of my good friends put down me and one of my best friends for not having sex. Ever since then, I’ve realized that what other people think about me doesn’t matter.

I stand by my word for many reasons. When you talk to some people they might think that it’s because I’m a Christian. And though I choose to stick by my religion when making the choice. Religion is not the only reason behind me choosing to stay a virgin.

One of the reasons I chose to wait is because of all the consequences involved in having sex, such as being a teen mom or contracting a sexually transmitted diseases. Why take your chances on any of these?

Another reason I chose to wait is because sometimes it can give you an image you may not want for yourself. If you have sex with one guy and then break up…why not have sex with your next boyfriend? To me this is what girls attitudes are when it comes to having sex. What kind of image do you think this gives of you to guys? Don’t you want to be liked by a guy for who are? Not how far you are willing to go with them?

My last reason I chose to wait to have sex is because it only makes your relationship with a guy more complicated. We are in high school, why would you want such a complicated relationship? Have fun with your boyfriend but don’t put a seriousness on a relationship when you are probably not ready for it. I have a boyfriend and I have been with him for two and a half years. We have a serious relationship but not in the way that makes it complicated. He’s two years older then me and we still choose to wait to have sex because we are not ready.

I plan to save myself for many reasons.

Dating Advice for Teens: Tips for a Great Long-Term Relationship

Our team loves sharing their dating advice.  The best part is, whether you are dating or single, it’s okay!  If you want to be in a long-term relationship or if you are in one already, you won’t want to miss these tips from Stevie on Girls With Dreams TV.

Dating Advice for Teens: How to Deal With Being Single

What’s your attitude when you’re single? Are you stressed out? Do you feel unworthy or are you okay with going solo?

I think it’s really hard being single when all your friends have boyfriends. Whatever your situation is, I think you’ll love Tori’s advice in this video on being single and how she’s dealt with it!

Dating Advice for Teens Part 3: Balance your Priorities

With school starting up, there are a lot of things on our minds. Although you’re busy buying new clothes and stocking up on school supplies, one thing’s always in the back of our minds with a big flashing light: Boys. You summer romance might still be going strong or maybe you’ve found the courage to talk to that guy you’ve always had a crush on. No matter what your boy business is, don’t let it distract you too much.

The important thing now is knowing which is more important: school or guys. I can answer that for you right now. School is more important! You can’t have fun flirting or dating, though, as long as you have the important stuff done. Your first priority should be school and other activities such as sports, school clubs, band, or a job. I have dance three nights a week (although it’s been up to 5 before), and I’m the editor of the podcast at my school.

Although I don’t currently have a boyfriend, I did have one all last year. Somehow I found time to get all my things done, and still spend time with him. He was super busy too, so don’t forget that guys also have other commitments.

Follow these tips to balance your time:

• Figure out how much time to devote to your after-school activities.
• Set aside that amount of time PLUS a little extra for breaks.
• Instead of saving homework for later, do it right when you get home.

Now that that’s out of the way, you have time for the fun things. And don’t forget family!

• Try not to spend every night out. Once you get older and start thinking about moving away to college, you’ll regret missing the family time. Even if that means just watching TV with your parents, it’s important to them.
• If you have a boyfriend, it’s important not to let your friends think you’re ditching them to be with him all the time. It’s also important for your boyfriend to feel like you’re devoting enough time to him. Find a happy balance. If you hung out with your friends all last weekend, spend most of this weekend with your boyfriend. You can even try to include everyone in your plans, if it fits. Your boyfriend can even invite his friends and make it a party! The more the merrier!
• If you don’t have a significant other, but have your eye on the guy you’ve been hanging out with, the same rule applies. Don’t ditch your friends just to chase a guy. You’ll end up losing the guy and possibly losing some friends. I don’t want that happening to you!

There are tons of other ways to balance your time. A lot of it is just getting in a routine that works for you personally.

Have any more good time management ideas? Let us know!

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