Are You Ready for Homecoming?

Our team at Girls With Dreams.com want to make sure you have the best homecoming week ever! It’s not all about the dress, its about friends, the social scene, and a whole lotta fun! Find out what our team thinks will help you have an awesome Homecoming Week.

Teens Dealing With Sexual Abuse Part 1

I received an email from a young woman who had read Secrets Girls Keep.  She wrote me because she had been a victim of sexual abuse.  Secrets Girls Keep covers lots of issues girls deal with from friends, to boyfriends, to school, and even sexual abuse.  This young woman wanted to continue the discusssion about sexual abuse and how teen girls can heal from this.  The book has a short section on this topic and she felt parts of it could have been worded differently or explained further.  She offered to help share her perspective with other girls.  In this blog series, you can hear what she has to say. 

You’re Not Alone

“I think it’s important to just get the word out because just going through sexual abuse made me feel like I had never been more alone in the world. Girls need to know that they are most certainly not alone, we need support of others and they’re waiting with open arms to support you. You aren’t going be a bother or hurt anyone’s feelings by talking to them. People want to be a part of your life, no matter who you are. People really do care. Get help, even if the thought of it terrifies you. It won’t make it worse if you seek help, only make it better and safer for you. Everyone who’s going through abuse of any kind needs someone to step in for them, and lend them a hand when they most need it.

I told my teacher, but you can reach out to anyone, a trusted adult, a good and trusting friend, another family member, a parent, etc. We all need help and don’t be afraid to seek it. Share your feelings and let yourself feel them.  Everything you are feeling if you’ve been sexually abused or even just abused, is not abnormal. We all feel the same frustration, loneliness, guilt, sadness, depression, anger, and a good deal of other things. I know that you probably want to shove these feelings away, but it’s important to feel these feelings. You’ve probably pushed these things down and away for so long, but everyone has a right and a need to feel them.

Reactions to Abuse

It’s also completely normal, not good but normal, to develop an eating disorder for a source of control. Many girls develop a variety of eating disorders when or after being sexually abused. It is normally because of a need to control something in their life because the abuse is something a victim has absolutely no control over whatsoever. Be sure to tell someone about it if you have developed one, and just work through it. It will be ok. There’s no need to be ashamed of it, I’m working through mine as well, and it is getting better. No one who matters will judge you because of it, and you don’t have to tell everyone. Just someone you trust and someone who can help you or help you to find someone who can. Also, the abuse was not your fault at all!!! It’s something hard to realize that you had no power, but it really is true, no matter what you want to tell yourself. Put yourself in someone else’s position and look back on the abuse. You’ll realize that there was absolutely nothing you could’ve done. I’m  truly sorry. No matter what the abuser said like, “You wanted it.” or “You asked for it.” You didn’t and it was in no way your fault.

Lastly, it’s entirely normal to develop an anxiety disorder, have panic attacks, flashbacks, and / or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). You’ve suffered something traumatic, and you’re mind has been in “survival mode” and you’ve done what you had to because you made it through. Because your brain and body has been in “survival mode” it’s trying to kind of realize that it can just kind of relax and be safe. I know that this might be painful, but to start to let go and not be constantly remember he abuse you really do need to think about it. What’s basically happening is that your brain has blocked out the memories for so long because your mind is thinking if you block it out it won’t be real, but it is and it’s ok to know that it is real. So, you’re heart knows what happened, but your brain wants to know too, and so, this might sound strange but, your heart and your brain are kind of fighting to know what happened and that’s why it’s constantly on your mind or popping into your mind. It’s ok to tell your brain what happened  and let yourself think about. It will let your brain start to relax, and let go of thinking about it constantly.

For more ideas on how to deal with sexual abuse, look at part 2 of this series  which includes books and other resources that helped her deal with sexual abuse.

How to Find a Great Homecoming Dress

Homecoming is right around the corner.  Have you found your dress yet?  Find out what our teens at Girls With Dreams.com have to say about the perfect dress, no matter what your budget!

Dating Advice for Teens: Be Yourself First

Every girl struggles to find the right guy, create a great relationship, and to stay true to herself.  Girls from our team sat down to talk about how be yourself first before getting the guy.  Find out what they had to say!  If have other questions for our teen advice team, please send them to info@girlswithdreams.com

Teen Advice: What to Do When You Feel Like You Have No Friends

We love hearing real questions you’re dealing with.  When girls email questions they have to info@girlswithdreams.com our teen panel answers with support.  Recently, we received a question about how to make friends.  Here’s what we had to say.

The Question About Friends:
Okay, I’m 16 years old and I’m a junior in high school (i’ve attended the same school my entire life.) At my high school, there are about 1,500 students. And it seems as though everyone has a friend and a clique they belong to. But for me, that has never been the case. Ever since my freshmen year, I have felt so lonely and as though I have absolutely no friends.
At lunch, I sit with just a group of people who I don’t even know that well (they literally will not talk.) I try to conversate with them but day after day, it’s no reply. Sorry, I guess I need to get to the point but, I have just never had that group friends to talk to, to vent to, to hang out with, or to just to eat lunch with. And now that it’s my last two years of school, I want to make the best of it. Our school has been in session for almost three weeks now, and I feel as isolated as ever. I just want to have that group of friends. Even my parents have told me that I’m not “social” enough, but it’s like they just don’t understand. I have always felt like I don’t fit in, and all I want is to fit in. I just want someone to eat lunch with, hang out with… I don’t know what to do, I just need to vent to someone, so that’s why I messaged ya’ll. So please, help me!

Answer #1:  For some people, fitting in is difficult. In all of middle school, I could NOT find a group of friends to hang out with. I had “friends” at school, but they always made plans when I was there and never invited me. I was so left out. I would call 20 people in one night, to see if someone wanted to hang out, but generally no one could. I felt like a such a loser. But then, I joined field hockey and lacrosse and suddenly, I was hanging out with people who were like me: cared about grades, same interests, same humor, just a lot of similarities. It made me feel like I belonged.

My point is, try joining a club, or sport, or some activity at your school. And if theres nothing that appeals to you, start a club! If you don’t want to do that, look at your church or temple or religious place of prayer and see if there’s a youth group you can join. My bestest friends in the entire WORLD are in my youth group at temple and almost my entire social life is with people in my youth group. I would highly recommend joining a youth group if possible.

Finally, get involved. Go up to people and introduce yourself. Or, even, just find another person who’s sittng by themselves, or someone who doesnt appear to be fitting in, and talk to them. Chances are, there’s at LEAST one person at your school who feels the same way.

Answer #2:  I know high school is hard and there are so many things you have to take in when you are there and it nice to have friends to help you along the way. I was a lot like you in middle school where I didn’t have many people to go to, but in high school I started getting involved which helped me a lot. Try different groups to get involved in, even if you don’t think it’s right for you. I took journalism and never thought I would like writing and then I was on yearbook and it was probably the best thing I ever did. And just because you go to some meetings doesn’t mean you have to commit to the group. Try getting in some big groups like Student Council and then some small groups like Debate or something. You never know the people you may meet. The more you put yourself out there, the better. And maybe school isn’t the place for you to have all your friends. Maybe it’s something in your community you can get involved with. Just don’t be afraid to try something new.

Teen Advice: How to Know When To Ask for Help

Do you know when to ask for help?  Do you think girls are usually nervous to raise their hand with a question or ask for extra help?  Our teens sat down to talk about why it’s important to ask for help when you need it and how to get over the uneasy feelings that might creep up.

How Your Freshman Year Can Make or Break Your GPA

When our team got together to talk about important back to school tips, we thought it was important to talk about GPA.  Find out what our graduating seniors had to say about your Grade Point Average freshman year.

Solar Road Trip

Have you heard of 350.org’s Put Solar On It Road Trip? This week, college students from Unity college are driving solar panels back to the White House. You can follow their trip on their website http://putsolaron.it/road-trip/as well as look for events in Boston and New York on Facebook. They hope that President Obama will set up the solar panels that were originally installed by President Carter.

Fun, New, Locker & Bedroom Makeover Tips

Teens from Girls With Dreams.com sat down to talk about fun new ways you can decorate your locker or your bedroom. Anytime you’re starting a new year or new semester, it’s a great time to mix things up and bring your style to the space you see the most!

Back to School Tips: How to Deal With Peer Pressure

With the school year underway for most everyone, it means peer pressure at schol is back too! Our team wanted to share a few ideas for how you can deal with peer pressure and your friends. Check out their tips in this video.

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